Ramblings Of A Madman Madman.

barb manatee

Robinson Crusoe

"Get on the ground!" shouted the bank robber, Blue Johnson.

"This is a stick-up!", yelled his partner, Little Rusty.

"A stick-up?" responded Blue. "A stick-up? Are you for serious, Rusty?"

"What? That’s what you say in these here situations!"

"No it ain’t, you half-wit. Hey! Get on the ground!" he yelled at another man. "A ‘stick-up’ is what they called it in the olden days, stupid. We’re in the gosh-darned Bank of America in Little Rock, Arkansas for heaven’s sake! Have some class!"

"This is a Bank of America? Why didn’t you tell me that! I’ve got a checking account here! You want me stealin’ my own cash? What gives, Blue? I was told this here was a credit union at best!"

"A credit union? No, idiot. Why would we go to a credit union? They don’t even have vaults, probably."

"Well, I wish you would have told me first," an exasperated Rusty exlaimed, "and maybe if you hadn’t put the bag over my head on the drive over here. I feel like I couldn’t drive my best that way, and you know I like to drive my best when we’re headin’ to a robbin’"

"Sweet baby corn, Rusty. Why don’t you just cry about it in front of everyone? I thought you were a big boy now, but apparently you can’t act like one, huh?"

"You said you wouldn’t make fun of me anymore! I’m telling Gran. Gran!  Gregory is makin’ fun of me! And I don’t wanna rob banks anymore! And he got out Dad’s guns!"

"Jerry! What are you tellin’ her for? I’m almost thirteen! I can handle a gu-"

And that’s when the cops came in, guns blazing. The 12 year old Gregory and his little brother, 7 year old Jerry, were killed in a blaze of gunfire. They took two cops with them, and their grandmother was seriously hurt in the fight. It ended the streak of four bank/kitchen robberies, in which a total of over $24 in vegetable oil and baked beans were stolen.

And that, my dear children, is why you should never buy a cat. 

  • 4 May 2011